SAFARI SO-GOOD-I

The bad news for Africa (and the great news for the other continents of the world) is that Paris Hilton is currently casting her wonk-eye over the magnificent plains of South Africa and telling the world what a great place it is (and a potentially untapped market for Brand Hilton).

I'm sure she's there for a reason, to sell the folks of the long-suffering continent some item of tat or to hand out some medals at a fake charity event, but I really can't be bothered to do any research on the matter. Neither can Paris, who delighted the assembled crowds in South Africa with the words:

"I love Africa in general - South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries."

I'm a great fan of West Africa too, though the last time I looked it seemed to be a sort of collection of countries rather than a single state. Still, Paris knows best. Next step on her world tour will be South America, which she probably believes incorporates Texas and anywhere under the Mason-Dixon line.