THE FOUL AND THE PUSSYCAT

Paris Hilton is once again proving what a wonderful, caring human being she is. She adopted a cat last May (not necessarily the one pictured), just before she was popping off for a few days in jail and decided to name the poor sod 'Prada'. Like all new cat owners, Paris was warned that the cat should be neutered immediately, so naturally she put the cat's interests first and made sure that the operation took place as soon as possible.

Two weeks ago. That's when she took the cat to the vets (eight months late) and that's where the poor sod remains. Now, the Kris Kelly Foundation, a non-profit animal welfare charity who were stupid enough to give her the cat in the first place have declared the situation as 'a clear-cut case of abandonment' and they will refuse to return the cat to the heiress.

Poor Paris! Why do bad things keep happening to such a good person. It's all a massive misunderstanding you see, and one of Paris's flunkeys is due to pick the sweaty beast up any day now, though her people have been warned that the cat will not be returned to its previous owner.

Now Paris's people are saying that this is a publicity stunt to promote the foundation. Yes, they've obviously planned it all out beautifully, from the eight month wait for the operation itself following by them banking on Paris being as thoughtless as usual about every creature in the universe other than herself.

There. The story is done. And not one single 'pussy' joke.