HER CAREER'S DOWN THE PAM

It was inevitable really. Pamela Anderson has acknowledged that she isn't really famous for anything anymore apart from being herself. Her career has drifted leaf-like from the top of the tree with 'Baywatch', and now fluttered into the gutter with the news she is to film her own reality show.

Sorry, it's not a reality show. It’s an 'observational documentary series'. The entertainment channel E! are the idiots who will be producing the series, which will follow Pamela around and show pictures of her in tight tops and obviously staged events.

"E!'s cameras capture Pam's fabulous adventures, emotional journey and all the surprises that come along the way. It's going to be a wild ride."

So say their publicity people, with a sad, slight smile, because deep down in their hearts they don't actually believe it. It's going to be rubbish, and the world knows it before one single second of video is shot.

So here's Pamela going to the dry cleaners and complaining about stains on her white Egyptian cotton sheets. Here's Pam sitting in her living room, bored and drawing on the sole of her slipper with a biro. Ooh look, here's a shot of Pam getting into the shower where you can nearly (but not quite) see her nipples and chuff. Stay tuned in case she surprisingly drops the lot in the next episode.

It certainly won't be a patch on her last 'observational documentary'. You know, the one with Tommy Lee where he steers a boat with his dick while she... well, you know the scene.