Bloom With A View (Of A Stalker)

Even when a stalker broke into his hotel room, Orlando Bloom remained as cool as a cucumber in refrigerated underpants, calmed the mental lady and gave her a big hug, an autograph and probably a slight grope.

The weeping fan said that she'd been to all his premieres and the star had never even said 'Hello', so quite reasonably she had felt the need to break into his hotel room and wait for him in the dark, determined to take some of his DNA, be it by sexual or stabby means.

Super-cool Bloom told Gotham magazine: "I turned around and went over to her and just gave her a hug and said, 'It's cool. I'm sorry you feel let down or disappointed. But the nature of my life is I can't necessarily stop every time, and it's not because I don't want to."

Hmmmm. Now, do you really think that's what would happen if you found the female equivalent of Michael Fagan lurking in your hotel room, perched on the end of your bed, all wild, staring eyes and demands for cigarettes? No? I didn't think so. Me? I'd scream like a girl, call for security and run like bloody fuck.