TIT'S NOT FAIR!

What is it with new mothers and whining about how unfortunate they are? The latest to emerge from their house scowling at what a dud hand fate has dealt them by giving them a perfectly healthy baby is Nicole Richie, who once looked like a straw with a head perched on top and who now looks like a straw with tits (with a head perched on top).

You see, since the birth of her daughter Harlow in January, Nicole's breasts have grown , the heartless bastards! Naturally, she has consulted doctors over this puzzling and annoying occurrence, but they could only point to the fact that it was a normal symptom of human reproduction and they serve some feeding purpose, or something.

Well, what use is feeding to someone like Nicole? Especially when it makes some of her wardrobe redundant! Her general whining was in the direction of OK!.

"I am bustier now and I really don't like it. It doesn't really fit with my wardrobe, it's not who I am. I am not someone who is used to wearing a bra or having to wear a bra. I really don't like it."

Dear God, the suffering, the humanity! Still at least one person is happy: her partner, Joel Madden, who was standing just behind her and huh-huh-huh-ing in an unpleasant, open-mouthed way.

"He likes it!" confirmed Nicole.

I expect baby Harlow would too, given half a chance.