OUT OF CRUISE CONTROL

Nicole Kidman has revealed to US newspaper USA Today that her life was somewhat empty when she was married to Tom Cruise and she lost sight of who she was, probably due to the constant brainwashing. Now, of course, she isn't being scanned for negative engrams every day and feels much happier. Odd that.

The whole interview was half plain old boasting and half a giant 'Fuck you' to the tiny Minister for Magic who has adopted the Earth name Tom, pointing out how blissfully happy she is with new husband Keith Urban, a country singer and professional beard.

"A lot of my life, particularly when I was working so much, it was about trying to fill in the gaps. Now there's much more reason to exist in the world without my identity needing to be through work." And I bet he's got a much bigger cock than Tom too, not that Nicole will be bothered about that type of thing.

"Tom and I, we moved and moved and moved. Your sense of where do I come from becomes less and less relevant." Yes, but Nicole must be missing those frequent flyer miles now that she no longer has to visit the in-laws on Zarkon Seven every other weekend.