Nickelback singer
Chad 'why doesn't someone put everyone out of their misery and rip my tongue out'
Kroeger has been
convicted of crimes against music decency and sentenced to 40 years hard labour at a penal colony in Siberia. Hang on, that can't be right..
No, unfortunately not. He's actually been convicted of the far lesser (but still very serious) crime of drink driving after being stopped speeding and over the drink limit in Canada.
The 33-year-old star pleaded not guilty and accused the police of illegally obtaining breath samples prior to his arrest but a judge threw out the claims. Woohoo!
He'll be sentenced on May 1 and could face a £300 fine and a one-year driving ban.
But we would plead that the judge take the following evidence into account before donning a black cap and condemning him to a far more lasting sentence...