TERRIBLE LIEUTENANT

As if 'starring' in the remake of 'The Wicker Man' wasn't bad enough, Nicolas Cage is about to lower the bar even further by agreeing to take the title role in a remake of 'Bad Lieutenant', the unsavoury 1992 film which made everyone fear Harvey Keitel approaching their car door.

The original famously told the tale of a detective's mental collapse after an attack on a nun and his own unravelling, but the rumours are that the Cage version will be less tortuous and more cinema friendly. The obvious question is... why? Why remake it at all, and why with simpering ham-fest Cage?

I can't remember the last good film that Cage appeared in (and I'm certain that he thought 'Con Air' was a gritty and uncompromising comment on the American penal system), but this is beyond ridiculous, and is sure to have Harvey Keitel so disgusted that he re-creates the scene from the original where he moans and whinges in such an unsettling way that anyone who watches it can't eat for days.

With his record, Nic is spoilt for choice for classic films to mess up irrevocably. Any suggestions? Personally, I'd like to see him take on the role of John Merrick, the 'Elephant Man'. You know, the one about the Victorian fellow born with a slight birthmark which is subsequently removed so he can go on to lead a full and happy life, full of humour and unnecessary grinning and gurning for the cameras?