UGLY NAOMI

World's least favourite airline passenger Naomi Campbell is to appear in the new series of US TV show 'Ugly Betty', according to reports. God help you if you're a runner on that show as it's not hard to imagine Campbell getting a bit annoyed that you've brought her the wrong skinny late and whipping a stilletto off and hammering it through one of your temples...

Actress Becki Newton, who is unfortunate enough to star in the show, said:

"She's going to be in our last episode, which is exciting."

Do you think police and British Airways describe the appearance of Naomi Campbell as 'exciting'?

Newton added: "I've personally requested that I don't stand next to her because Amanda [her character] would not like to be seen with such a tall, pretty person."

'Tall pretty person'? That's possibly the best euphemism for 'stark raving mentalist' we've ever heard. Tell the truth, woman, you just don't want to be on the end of a torrent of abuse for accidentally sneezing near her or something.