KEIRA NAY-TLEY

Keira Knightley's mum has been having a pop at the media for saying her daughter is anorexic. And the mother has had some disturbing things to say about the family's history of being thin – apparently her father was "much, much thinner". And we'd always thought Peter Crouch wasn't old enough to be her dad...

Keira's mum told The Sunday Times: "She has always been thin. She's her daddy's daughter, with his long body. Daddy was much, much thinner than Keira. When he was Keira's age, he had to drink milk with honey and eggs, and go training and training and training, just to be a normal weight."

For one, wouldn't the training make you lose weight not put it on? And milk with honey and eggs? Why not just follow the Katona diet of stuffing your face with pie and chips all day and sitting on your fat ass.

And if he'd been "much, much thinner" he must surely have been no wider than a piece of paper who would have been good for nothing more than blowing around in the wind rather than fathering anything.

But there's more...

The mother added: "She eats like a horse. I always want to apologise because she can eat anything that she wants and she does not put on weight."

Don't horses eat hay and grass? No wonder she's finding it hard to put on weight.

She concluded: "It's a playground situation that we're looking at with the press - it's a form of bullying - but what can we do?"

If it's bullying, we like to have a slice of her £10m lunch money too...