Caprice: No Role Model

Barely-working model Caprice (35) insists that she has never had plastic surgery, not even Botox.

Quite how she remains looking so gruesome without outside help is a mystery; we imagined there must be horror film prosthetics involved to create that gargoyle face, but no, she's just naturally hideous.

The chattering hag is also annoyed that people dare question her age, declaring herself 35 and proud of it, just as she did last year, and the year before that, and the year...

The Californian raisin also had a pop at Britney Spears for flashing her tuppence for all to see. She's on record saying she'll send Britney samples from her range of her knickers with a note, saying "Clean your act up!" (this from a woman convicted of drink driving last year). How kind of her to cash in on a young woman's mental breakdown by promoting her own range of grotty pants.

Hopefully, Britney will reply by sending some of her perfume brand "Mind Your Own Fucking Business, You Wizened Bitch".