IT'S BALL OVER NOW

Mick Jagger has confessed to a serious infatuation with the castrati, young men whose testicles were removed in order to preserve their beautiful singing voices, though it's unlikely that the randy old goat would ever go down that road himself, what with thousands of young models as yet un-impregnated.

"I remember seeing this telly show the other day about trying to recreate what the castrati singers sounded like," he cackled.

"But they couldn't really tell how these castrati boys sounded, so you could go back in time to the 18th Century to Venice and listen to the pure sound of these castrati singing. That might be an interesting little time trip."

So, if Sir Mick had a time machine, his first trip wouldn't be to watch the death of Julius Caesar or share a meal with Shakespeare, he'd be eyeing up teenage boys after major scrotal surgery. Each to his own, eh?

Of course, if he's that obsessed with hearing a castrato sing, he could always buy Gareth Gates's last album.