Michael Jackson: Still Bonkers

In return for performing a series of chicken in a basket gigs in Las Vegas, Michael Jackson is requesting a rather unusual rider. His reasonable, and in no way mental demand?

A 50-ft high robotic replica statue of himself. With eyes that will shoot neon beams over the desert sands.

The request was confirmed by Luckman Van Pier, the entertainment consultants who worked with U2 recently.

They refused to confirm whether Michael will have a penthouse in the bridge of the nose, from where he can control the robot through a series of pulleys and levers, causing it to march around the town staring into bedroom windows and asking, “Are the children in their beds? It’s past eight o’clock!”.

Like an automated Wee Willie Winkie powered by lust and shame.