I WANT ONE OF THOSE

It looks like former Spice Girl Melanie Chisholm is getting broody at last. After all she has spent the last few months hanging around with selfish brats who cry if they can't get their own way. And the Spice Girls brought their children on tour as well (boom boom). Now Melanie, currently in the fortieth year of her engagement to Tom Starr, has decided that it's time to breed.

"Being backstage at the shows with the girls and all the kids made me think, 'Yeah I could be a good mum.'

"I used to say giving them back was the best bit, but seriously all the girls are great mums... and they have given me the confidence to have a go."

Tsk! If Victoria came in with her head on fire would you want one of those too? This is taking band rivalry to a whole new dimension. Maybe you get a bigger dressing room and a better seat on the private jet if your spawn travels with you.

Just joking. I'm sure Melanie will be a wonderful mother. I just wish I could be there to see the horrified look on her face when her PA takes her to one side and explains exactly how babies are made.