MEL AND GRIM

What on earth is going on with Britney Spears and Mel Gibson? The pair met up again on Tuesday night for a giggly dinner in Beverly Hills, just a few weeks after they shared a wonderful family vacation together in Costa Rica. Obviously Mel is a happily married man (and a stricter Catholic than the Pope) with over three hundred children, so sex is probably off the menu.

Britney arrived at the Havana Cigar Club looking rather miserable and business-like, whereas Mel pitched up gurning for the cameras and sporting his trademark 'Wow I'm crazy, me! Almost as crazy as I was in 'Lethal Weapon' but without the mullet look. It must have been a special occasion because Britney even wore a bra.

After a lovely meal Britney slouched away two and a half hours later, leaving Mel alone with his thoughts and sitting alone until 11pm when he decided to call it a night before he accosted some law enforcement officers and screamed 'Sugartits!' in their faces.

What do this pair even talk about? Their top ten binges? The only logical conclusions for their friendship are that Mel is either trying to convert her to Catholicism or planning to put her in a film. Either way, the world will be a less pleasant place. A born-again Britney or 'Crossroads' Part Two.