PLEASE HAMMER, DON'T HUM 'EM

MC Hammer, ever the quick-thinking entrepreneur, has hit upon a fantastic idea to make many millions of dollars. He has a vision of a site where users can upload videos of them dancing to music (and only videos of them dancing, mind) which can be accessed by other users. And here's the beauty - it's free and will be paid for by advertising!

Yes, later this month DanceJam will launch, allowing what remains of Hammer's savings from the last few years to disappear quickly and silently into oblivion. He will sit there, bewildered and upset, wondering what could possibly have gone wrong, and woe betide the person who sidles up to him and points out that there has been a site called YouTube around for ages now, which does exactly the same thing but with more variety and a huge head start.

Hammer has been declared bankrupt before, in 1996. Somehow, he made career earnings of around $33m by dancing around like a lunatic in parachute pants, but still managed to wind up in court owing $14m, though there was a lot of silk in those trousers and those massive glasses with the bin-lid sized lenses don't come cheap.

Luckily, Hammer appears to have learned from his mistakes and is a walking paragon of good sense and humility. Or a dickhead - you decide.

"There is no high-tech lingo or business strategy that you can talk that is above my head. I breath this stuff."

Here's some high-tech lingo: penniless; arrogant; idiot.