LEATHERHEAD

The film career can't be earning Matthew McConaughey a fortune – witness how the poor man has to walk around half-dressed all the time – and with another mouth to feed after the birth of his son he has graciously accepted an invitation to be the US front man for the National Cattlemen's Beef Association. In other words, he's the new face of beef, though sadly not in the way that Hannibal Lecter left his victims.

So Matthew has signed up for glossy advertising campaigns, in which he'll hopefully feature draped shirtless across a sofa with steaks hanging from his earlobes, staring into the lens as the photographer whispers: "Give me more tenderloin."

He'll also be the voice on countless radio adverts in the US, as though listening to his stoner drawl will make anyone rush out for a nice bit of brisket.

Come on, farmers of the UK, you're missing out on a valuable marketing tool here. How about Jason Statham as a spokesman for ham or Jade Goody as an advert for… well, cow's arses. And Amy Winehouse is pretty offal (sorry).