LYNX SAHARA

Matthew McConaughey almost sent his 'Fools Gold' co-star boss-eyed due to the fact that he refuses to wear deodorant, even on the sweatiest of film sets. Even when the desperate Kate Hudson turned up bearing smelly gifts to cover his stink he laughed and refused to wear it, preferring to whiff like a Bonobo monkey in mid-rut.

Despite the fact that filming on the movie took place in the Bahamas and Australia, two places well known for high temperatures, Matthew stuck to his guns and probably most of the props.

"Kate always bought a salt rock, which is a natural deodorant, and said, 'Would you please put this on?'" Why, surely only an arrogant, self-obsessed dickhead would refuse? Matthew refused, because he grew up in the country and feels that he embraces a more natural attitude to life, like stinking of cow shit and being close to his cousins.

"I grew up in the country and didn't wear shirts or shoes. My mother didn't even put a bathing suit on us in the country club until we were nine," he explained, as though it were something to be proud of and he deserved a fucking medal.

Matthew is now expecting his first child with professional beard Camilla Alves, which will surely scotch those gay rumours once and for all, as it did for father of two Oscar Wilde. He described himself as "excited" about being a parent for the first time, presumably forgetting to mention "amazed" and "utterly bewildered".