BERK DIGGLER

Pausing in his mission to bring the definition of balsa wood to a whole new level, Mark Wahlberg has been sounding off about films that he deems to be lacking in quality (and with his CV, he certainly should know). In his sights in particular were George Clooney's 'Ocean's' films. Fair enough, they're hardly brilliant but is Mark truly in a position to gallop around this matter on a high horse?

Promoting his latest dazzling movie, 'The Happening' (yet another M. Night Shyamalan film that has the incredible final twist of being utterly shit), Mark was in bullish mood when asked if he turned down the chance to be in the 'Ocean's' franchise.

"Yeah - and it was well worth it! The second one sucked! People tell George Clooney it's great, but we all know it sucked.

"I made two bad movies instead - 'Planet Of The Apes' and 'The Truth About Charlie' - but doing that was better than sitting with Brad and George, telling the press how great everybody is! 'We were in Europe, George was funny, then we had some wine...' - that's not for me. I do love those guys, but I had to step out on my own."

He might be stepping out on his own for a while after this rant. And I'm sure he was incredibly stand-offish with Clooney when they made 'Three Kings' together.

A story about Mark Wahlberg last week sparked a semi-tepid debate on his acting skills (apparently, some people still believe he has some), despite his 'SHOUT!, calm, SNARL, calm, SHOUT AGAIN' appearance in 'The Departed'.

That's not even taking into account the way he managed to slur his way through 'I Heart Huckabees' in his trademark confused monotone. And as the man himself mentions, there are four words that prove he is not a serious acting talent. 'Planet', 'of', 'the. And 'Apes'.