THE ILLUSTRATION OF MIMI

Mariah Carey has it all. An eight octave vocal range, millions of dollars and now a skanky tattoo that wouldn't look out of place on a prostitute's ankle. Mimi had the tattoo done weeks ago, she has gleefully confessed, so it's surprising that no one has seen it yet, since she's famous for tottering that Cabbage Patch doll body around in clothes the size of a Mars bar wrapper.

Ah, it's under her hairline, you see, and not in a Damien 'Omen' way either. On the back of her neck she has the words 'Mrs Cannon' artfully inscribed. Hopefully her husband Nick has had 'Mr Ball' inked onto his neck to complete the set. She told People magazine:

"One thing few people knew was we got tattoos a few weeks earlier. So anyone who saw my tattoo wasn't surprised."

Just how many people would see that tattoo? A hairdresser or two? Anyway, Mariah's thought have turned to children and the prospect of having a little pie-faced toddler roaming around her sterile mansion.

"I'd just want our children to have the best childhood and upbringing they possibly could."

Well, those untold millions should help. For God's sake just don't try to sing them to sleep. The poor little sods will have nightmares.