IT'S ALL MIMI-ME

Mariah Carey has denied reports that her slim figure is down to plastic surgery. That may be the case. If she'd had surgery then surely she would have done something about those chipmunk cheeks that make her look as though she's storing a couple of bags of popcorn in there to chomp on later.

What has been the over-riding worry for citizens of the UK over the last few weeks? The arse falling out of the housing market? Fuel prices? The reformation of New Kids On The Block? No, we've all been wondering about Mariah's weight loss regime apparently. As the singer explains...

"I know the U.K. is freaking out that I had some crazy plastic surgery done, but... honestly, it's working out and diet. Look at what I'm eating right now: olives!”

Olive was unavailable for comment. Perhaps she was freaking out like the rest of us. Mariah continued in this vein for some time, pointing out how she eats like a bird and exercises regularly, protesting just enough to raise a glimmer of suspicion.

"It makes me upset that people think I've had surgery, 'cause let's discuss how annoying the dieting process was. My girls will eat really good fried food, and I also love sweet plantain and rice and peas, but I can't eat it! If I eat it, it's small!"

I'll bet that last line cheered up her new husband Nick Cannon no end.