THE EMANCIPATION OF WEEPY

In what can only be described as some of the purest PR bullshit ever to grace the page, expect to start reading about how Mariah Carey, an Olympic yodeller who got lucky after having the good sense to shag the record company boss, recently reduced the crew of her latest film, 'The Tennessean', to tears.

Not, as you might expect, because she's a mardy, temperamental, stuck-up cow (with a voice like a cat being tortured in a drainpipe), but because they were so moved by her emoting and heartfelt performance. That's what they're saying anyway. Don't flinch and we might believe you. Might.

Now, generally speaking, film crews are some of the most cynical, embittered, no-nonsense, un-artsy-fartsy people you'll meet (this is a good thing). The only things that tend to bring them to tears are a swift punch in the knackers or security failing to deliver the gak to the appropriately named 'wrap' party.

What's more, nobody ever sings live on a film set; they mime to a playback.

So when you see this in the papers, just remember it's rubbish...

But not as rubbish as the celluloid abomination that is 'Glitter'.