THE MENTAL AGE OF MIMI

Sugary sweet Mariah Carey came up with an explanation as to why she was late for an interview on the Ellen DeGeneres show, and it's a corker. Too busy having noisy and enthusiastic sex with her new (all bought and paid-for) husband? Not likely! Charity work? No chance! No, it's because she's only an ickle-wickle girl of 12 and lickle princesses of this age can't be expected to tell the time, can they?

Yes, she really is this crazy. Despite the fact she is a grown woman in her late thirties and twice married she still pretends she's a pre-teen. Maybe some people will find this cute (there are some seedy types out there that'd pay a fortune for this type of thing). Most will find it either sickening or a sign of a deep, underlying mental illness.

"I don't have birthdays, I have anniversaries" she said. "I'm eternally 12 and that's part of the reason I'm late; because, as a 12-year-old, how am I expected to get it together on time… It's in my DNA, I cannot help it."

Well, the pretending you're eternally young worked for Michael Jackson didn't it?

Where's that father figure when you need him? Because this is one spoilt little madam who needs to be sent to her room and stay there until she is old and dusty.