SPINNING AROUND

The Americans have given us some truly terrible things. Daphne and Celeste, David Gest and Madonna spring immediately to mind, but now it's payback time. AND HOW! Because on December 7 (that's 12/7, US readers) the US will have the delight of witnessing the launch of the latest Guy Ritchie film. It's a corker, starring the modern Olivier that we modestly call Jason Statham, a classic storyline and beautifully directed. And it's called 'Revolver'.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Yes, two years after we had to put up with that incomprehensible pile of steaming shite the movie has finally managed to limp its way across the Atlantic and into a 'VIP premiere', around 12 hours before it slams itself satisfyingly into DVD bargain bins across the nation.

Madonna will be there to publicise the movie and the invited guests for the New York VIP preview include those other movie titans Howard Stern, Helena Christensen and Ivanka Trump. It fair leaves you breathless, doesn't it?

"Madonna is planning to sprinkle a little stardust on Guy's latest gangster film," puffed a publicist, though a better image is someone sprinkling sawdust onto a pile of vomit so people don't slip over on the mess.

The film has been re-edited for the US release. If it stands any chance of success, the start credits should be 'A movie by Guy Ritchie' immediately followed by 'The End'.

Enjoy, America!