Madge's Shooting Gallery

Now many a tale has been told of some struggling young actor having to take it up the wrong 'un to get ahead in the film business, but from Madonna? It seems so...

When she's not plotting to scoop fresh foreign babies up with her withered claws (the next one, another Malawaian, will be called Mercy and adopted properly, not in retrospect like the first), making a tit of herself on stage or shooting up on aircraft, it appears the aging pop crone likes nothing better than interfering with the actors on Guy Ritchie's latest and no doubt dreadful film.

According to the Mirror's 3am column (so it must be true) Madonna has been administering vitamin B12 shots to the fleshy buttocks of the cast of 'RocknRolla', a movie that has the potential to be the worst named ever.

Apparently the production had been so plagued by sickness that Mrs Ritchie couldn't take it anymore, no doubt fretting about Guy's spiralling production costs and diminishing credibility, so set up a mobile field hospital in her Range Rover to personally jab her hocus-pocus potion into the skiving thesps' bums.

Well, that's one way of getting shirking luvvies back in front of the cameras, I suppose; tell them that if they don't turn up, your mental wife will stab them in the arse.