MATERIAL PAIR

It may be the worst-kept secret in the world, but TMZ.com is claiming that Madonna and Guy Ritchie will manage to grit their respective teeth and stay together until the singer has finished her latest world tour, milking the rumours about their divorce to sell even more tickets.

It's unlikely Madonna will do another tour as her hips make more clicks than the whole percussion section put together.

The website is claiming that the slow break-up of their relationship will be beneficial for all involved (obviously not for their children who will have to field questions about their parents' relationship at school – but who cares what kiddies think anyway?).

If the couple can carry on this will-they-won't they game whilst the tour continues then it may create as much as $300m, though shouldn't they try for a massive mid-tour break-up? That might generate another ten to fifteen dollars so the pair might well look into this. But can we really believe this? Couldn't Guy survive on the proceeds of his films for millions of years to come? Ah…

"She is simply playing the media - and the public - as usual," said one friend of Madonna.

Madonna's publicist Liz Rosenberg was quick to point out that the couple are happy together and Madonna is certainly not banging the fast balls of Alex Rodriguez out of the sexual park.

"Madonna is in a studio rehearsing and I assume Mr. Rodriguez has some baseball games to play."

Hmm. Talking of games to play... This story might just run and run.