JUSTIN-FY MY LOVE

What better way to divert attention from your failing marriage and your involvement in the divorce of one of the highest paid sportsmen in the world than leaking a story about trying to reunite pop's former first couple, Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears. And what better way to make yourself look good than having a barely coherent, blubber coated Britney Spears to act as your foil on stage to make you look good.

And so it is that we learn the news that Madonna wants to reunite Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake on stage as the grand finale to her upcoming US tour.

She has already got Britney to film a cameo and Justin appears on the album so it's not the most outlandish suggestion in the world. Apart from the fact that the almost-universally-loved Justin would have to be as mad as Britney herself (which is as mad as a badger in the late stages of syphilis) to even think about getting on stage with her.

A source said: "Madonna is always trying to raise the bar and Britney and Timberlake on the same stage would be perfect.

"They have both been asked but I think both are a bit reluctant. Britney would find it all a bit emotional and JT might not fancy it."

Yeah, that's an understatement.

It says a lot about Madonna's current predicament that she thinks collaborating with Britney is a good idea. Although if it comes off and there was a nasty bout of lightning in the stage area that night it could kill two particularly annoying birds with one electric bolt-shaped stone.