BEAT LIP

You may have seen the odd recent pictures of Michael Jackson unsuccessfully attempting to hide that full English breakfast of a face from photographers, with the new addition of lots of small postage stamp-sized plasters around that gob that looks like a stretched elastic band covered in cat's blood.

Was it some extra plastic surgery gone wrong? A furious father catching up with the singer at last?

No, the word on the street is that Michael's five year-old son, the modestly-named Prince Michael II accidentally hammered his father in the upper lip while they were play fighting. Not even a Californian jury would acquit on a story this ridiculous. Luckily, an unnamed source was there to see all and describe the events.

"He was whacked in the face accidentally by his younger son Prince Michael II while playing around and part of Jackson's upper lip collapsed." Mmm, nice. That's the price you pay for replacing flesh and bone with paper mache and spittle.

"That mishap led an hysterical Jacko to make a beeline for the plastic surgeon for a bit of quickie repair work."

Which means his surgeon must be all fingers and thumbs, judging by the cut and paste job done on Michael's filtrum. The Jackson camp has denied that he has had any surgery done this week, though unlike Michael they remain oddly tight-lipped over any surgery he might have had done over the course of the last 30 years.