MISTAKEN NONENTITY

It takes a special man to be a bodyguard for Lindsay Lohan. Obviously, you must be discreet, physically powerful and be able to pour a young actress from a car into a luxury penthouse suite without succumbing to the curse of wandering hands.

Of course, you'll have to deal with the paparazzi too, alternating between pushing them away rudely and beckoning them in for a close up shot when her publicists have decided that it's time for another 'butcher's shop window' snap when she's getting into a car.

Lindsay's former bodyguard Andrae 'Doc' Renard' (whose parents, judging by their spelling weren't too hot on the old academic route for themselves, never mind their child) has launched legal action against Star magazine, who ran a picture of Renard on their cover with the words:

"The drugs, the guns, the wild sex and the cutting -- the man who witnessed it all reveals Lindsay Lohan's darkest moments." Sounds perfect, so why would he be complaining?

Well, unfortunately, the magazine confused him with the other towering, tottering piece of meat escorting Lohan around, a man named Lee Weaver who was actually the semi-sentient sentinel who spilled the beans on the sizzled star. Now Renard feels his wonderful life has been badly damaged by this mistaken identity and is claiming that his bodyguarding 'career' is "irreparably damaged" because of the "libelous use of his photograph".

It must be quite terrible to know that his dream career has been threatened. Hopefully he'll fulfill his potential and be standing in the doorway of a Hollywood bar screaming, "No sneakers, not tonight son, you're barred!"