LEGGING IT

Dapper and demure Lindsay Lohan has just launched a new brand of high fashion, and surprisingly it isn't a range of comfortable shoes but a very classy collection of leggings. It's understandable as these days Lindsay appears in this depressing trouser-wear more than most, though you can't help imagine Kerry Katona must be kicking herself at missing out on this trick.

And what a trick it is. Selling women a collection of tatty pants that immediately lose all shape after a wash and droop miserably from even the most fantastic buttocks. You can probably pick up a pair from your local market for about a fiver, so Lindsay's breathtaking cheek is all the more laudable when you see what she's charging for these crack hammocks.

The budget range is $99 (£50). Yes, that's the budget range. There's also a set for a more pricey $123 (£61), but most expensive of all are the ones priced at $132 (£66). That seems steep, but they do have kneepads already sewn in for those aspiring actresses. I shit you not. Here, here's the proof.

So yes, you might look like a cheap, knob-gobbling slut, but at least you'll be comfy. Lindsay isn't as daft as she looks, is she?