BROWN WHINGE

Sigh. It's Monday, so that means there's a whole weekend of Lily Allen to catch up on, and she doesn't disappoint, having opened that chattering gob again. Another depressing thought is that she's pregnant and therefore she's being idiotic for two. Now the painful pop pixie is complaining about media intrusion, and quite reasonably suggesting that Prime Minister Gordon Brown bans the paparazzi.

So now, after several years of determinedly courting the media, Lily has decided that she wants nothing to do with them (not like Lily to completely change her opinion when the wind changes). Naturally, she decided to broadcast this decision through the media, and the unfortunate Marie Claire magazine were in earshot at the time.

"I got really irritated the other day when I read that Gordon Brown has vowed to clamp down on celebrities going out and getting really drunk because he said it's having a bad effect on young people," said Lily, realising that there should be a clamp down on irritating singers hiding behind nursery rhymes.

"I was like, 'Why don't you f***ing do something about the paparazzi taking pictures the whole f***ing time? Then people won't have to read about it!' Stop the nation from becoming so obsessed with a bunch of f***ing idiotic reprobates and then you won't have a problem."

All delivered without a hint or irony. Like her or not, you've got to admire her absolute cheek. Mind you, she's sticking to her principles...

"I refuse to put my make-up on just because the paparazzi are on my doorstep. I find it morally wrong. I'm just walking to the f***ing shop!" Yeah, Lily doesn't care about her image! Which is why she'll go to the shop with no make-up, wearing a ridiculous ball gown.