ALL MOUTH, NO KNICKERS

Ah, Lily Allen! A veritable cathedral of wisdom and common sense, that's what she is, not some sort of hypocrite who says the first thing that comes into her mouth in order to sell magazines and promote her wafer-thin talent, which is surely stretched tighter than Mickey Rourke’s scrotum.

A few months ago she sounded off to Marie Claire magazine, earnestly explaining her philosophy of life, love and the bigger picture - presumably because she had something shoddy to sell.

"People are having kids too young and nothing is being done about it," she said, stopping short of calling for forced sterilisation or the re-introduction of chastity belts, "I want to have a child. If I was in the right relationship, I'd like to have child in about two or three years' time," continued 22 year-old Lily, now several months pregnant.

"I'd like to be a young mother, although not too young..."

Brilliant. Can we ever believe another word that curls its way out of her jabbering hole of a mouth? This is a woman who changes her opinions as often as her underwear, though judging by her incredible grubbiness that might not be the right comparison.

Anyway, another reason to turn the sound down when she appears on TV. Even if her music isn't being played there's a pointless and damaging noise sure to follow.