CHAT-A-LOSER CHOO CHOO

Lily Allen is refusing to admit that her TV show is a flop of epic proportions. It has been widely reported that members of the audience became so unhappy with their lives whilst watching the recording that they meandered out of the studio halfway through, some are in fact still wandering around in a daze and wondering if there is a reason to go on living.

Not so, says Lily on her MySpace blog, the whole thing was a resounding success, despite Lily's nerves before the recording, or in her terribly refined words,

"I was shitting it but I'm really happy with the results."

It was screened for the first time last night. Well, did YOU watch it? Unfortunately I was washing my eyes and therefore unable to watch, but I'm sure it was a good-natured affair full of shining wit and inspired debate. Or maybe a posh lass prattling on about the first thing that pops into her head. As usual, like she does on her blog.

"Thank you to the ever supportive Mail On Sunday, they insinuated a third of the audience left because they were bored with the content of the show.

"In fact, due to it being the FIRST show we've done we ran over a little and naturally a small number of the audience had to catch the last trains back to wherever they came from."

Such a shame that a large number of people living in Bratislava had to leave early to catch those elusive trains home, eh? I'm sure they'll have all the recording issues sorted out soon, so there'll be no excuse for a single audience member having to walk out shaking their heads before the end of the brilliant show. Because Lily will have raised her game, upped the entertainment and ensured that all the doors are locked.