LOOK WHO'S RANTING

Kirstie Alley has gone on record saying that her belief in Scientology actually saved her life, though it doesn't appear to have had such a dramatic effect on her film career. Now, in what looks like another recruitment campaign for the Church that just keeps on taking, she has issued a statement filled with wise and passionate language, though some might go as far as to call it 'an ill-informed rant'. Not me, obviously.

"I am a different being, and I mean entirely different. My viewpoint on the fourth dynamic and mankind and other people changed. You know, I liked animals more than people! OK, I liked certain people, but the idea of 'mankind' - it really irritated me!"

Well, that's a pretty normal view of life, isn't it? Pesky mankind, the bloody irritants! What has mankind ever done for us, apart from sitting there covered in filthy engrams? And it's so refreshing to find someone with such a well-rounded view on the fourth dynamic. That's what made 'Look Who's Talking Too' such a big success, I'll wager.

Kirstie was speaking to Scientology's in-house magazine, 'Source', so it was hardly going to be like facing a hungover Paxman. Why there's not even a mention of her battle with her weight and prescription tablets! Though there's plenty of room for quotes about the majesty of the Church of Scientology, naturally.

"Honest to God truth, without Scientology, I would be dead. Personally, I recommend it.

"I've made decisions here, big, crazy, great, brilliant decisions here about the magnitude I'm going to help this group and help this planet, and it's real. I want everybody in the universe to experience this."

And if Scientology gets its way then everyone will experience such rapture. Whether they like it or not.