CIDER WOMAN

The world's favourite actress must be Kirsten Dunst. Every time she speaks on screen the world holds its collective breath, waiting to see if those razor sharp eye teeth rip her lips apart this time. Kirsten has been in rehab lately after it was pointed out to her that she was spending more time pictured drunk in the media than actually drawing breath.

It seemed that the actress had sorted her life out, attending regular AA meetings, settling down with a nice young (and presumably blind) man and even planning on doing some actual work in the near future. Oh, Kirsten – it was all going so well until suddenly her 26th birthday appeared on the horizon at the weekend.

Kirsten may, just may, have fallen off the wagon during her birthday celebrations, and was unlucky enough to be tottering around in front of a journalist from the New York Daily News who reported:

"The actress looked a lot worse for wear as she tumbled out to the street hours after midnight, with girlfriends gripping her arm."

Damn! She was doing so well! She'd managed to keep her mouth shut for weeks, and now this, back to blighting our lives and messing up our lovely clean internet. Can Jamie Spears adopt her and keep her locked up on a gated compound, because that appears to be working for his daughter?