WELL FED

You may have seen the pictures of Britney Spears' ex Kevin Federline looking more and more like Monty Python's Mr Creosote. Well there's a very good reason for this massive weight gain according to Shar Jackson (another woman who has spawned a child by him) and it honestly has nothing to do with doughnuts and lager.

No, he has added a few extra pounds because of being a single father, Jackson tells Usmagazine.com. You know, that whole 'staying up late, never having a minute to sit still and always alert to ensure two kids are safe' scenario? Why, anyone would pile on the pounds in that situation.

"It's daddy weight! When you are a full time parent, sometimes you can't focus on you. If gaining a few pounds is your only problem, life's not too bad!"

Kevin's representative was in the background watching, suddenly nodding with a grin of relief spreading across his chops at this totally reasonable explanation.

"He's a stay-at-home dad, and people tend to gain weight when they are home with the kids. He's very happy with the way he looks."

Of course people tend to gain weight in such a situation. Well, not normal people. Normal people don't have the benefit of a huge monthly allowance from their divorced pop star cash cow.

Normal people can't afford an army of nannies to look after the children, meaning they can't sit and drink all day whilst prodding the Playstation and shovelling huge amounts of crisps into their gobs.

Normal people who can't afford 'Daddyweight'.