KATONA NOT SKINT PROOF

Kerry Katona has laughed off claims that she is close to bankruptcy so hard that her third chin is still wobbling back and forth and rippling with mirth. She's in such good spirits that she may even spare the lives of Solo and the Wookie.

Newspaper reports at the weekend suggested that she was unable to pay a tax bill of £200,000, but Kerry insists that this is not the case and she is financially sound. And if there are money troubles, there's always a lovely insurance payout, eh?

One thing she didn't deny was her claimed earnings, which the newspaper put at £1.5m for the year. Just who the fuck is paying Kerry Katona a million and a half a year?

Her books are rubbish, it's not physically possible to do that many cover shoots and Iceland certainly can't afford that, unless they are being secretly funded by a Bond villain whose intention is to bring the nation to despair every time those adverts come on. Kerry was bullish about the whole affair, but is she any other way?

"It's rubbish. There are absolutely no financial problems. My accountant has been dealing with the Inland Revenue and it's all been sorted," she snarled, before asking for £2000 for the exclusive quote.

"The newspaper never checked before printing these ridiculous allegations." Just as Kerry never checks her brain before opening her mouth. I'm glad she's financially sorted. I'd hate to walk into the local 'chip shop' and have to pay her for sweating over my nice, plump, juicy cod.