URINE TROUBLE

Hands up who knew that Kelly Osbourne used to take drugs? I certainly didn't. You’d have thought she might have mentioned it before now. It's not like she’s always banging on about how wild she was, as though she deserves a big, shiny medal for behaving like a normal human being now…

Kelly confessed all to US chat show 20/20 (which aptly is the name of a wonderful type of trampagne round these parts), revealing her terrible past in unflinching (and stomach-churning) detail.

"I remember one night being woken up by my mom punching me in the back so that I started breathing again in bed, and I had pissed myself in my sleep. I'm sorry, but at 20 years old, to wake up by your mother trying to resuscitate you in a bed of your own piss, that is mortifying.”

Mortifying? No, that happening when you're 38 would be mortifying. I'd imagine. Remarkably, Kelly used to take up to 100 pills a day to make her feel better, never seeming to realise that if you have to take a hundred of them then you’ve probably got the wrong prescription.

"All the voices in my head that were telling me that I was worthless, that I was fat, that I'll always just be someone's daughter and never make anything for myself... all these things in my head, as soon as I took this pill, just silenced.”

And who are we to argue...