STORM IN A B-CUP

Gosh! Terribly posh actress Keira Knightley is once again having a jolly old giggle about her bee-sting breasts. It's almost as if she can't shut up about them, they're so hilarious. It's a wonder she can leave the house every day instead of standing in front of the mirror giggling.

It seems that the producers of 'Pirates of the Caribbean' opted against using CGI on her front bumpers, instead using tactical make-up to create the illusion of swollen bosoms.

"They painted my tits on me for the films, which is extraordinary because it's kind of a dying art form - in the past, they used to have whole sections of the studios devoted to bosom make-up."

Which is exactly the type of job I feel I could be ideal for. Where do I sign up? Oh wait, she hasn't finished having a horsey giggle about her tits yet.

"And I loved it, completely loved it. Because it was the first time in my life I had big tits, and I didn't even need surgery."

Not the first time in her life she's been seen with big tits though, is it? Jonathan Rhys Meyers was in 'Bend It Like Beckham' after all.