COCK TALE

Stop me, oh, stop me. Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before, but the News of the World reported yesterday an ex-Scientologist's claims that Katie Holmes was picked as Tom Cruise's wife after an auditioning process organised by the Church of Scientology.

Now, it's been known for a while that poor Katie wasn't Tom's first choice and that he was aiming his Top Gun at actresses Jennifer Garner and Jessica Alba (although aren't we all). But the new slant on the story is that the audition process of finding a wife for Tommy was organised by Scientology leader David Miscavige.

The News of the World carried an interview with an ex-Scientologist called Marc Headley, who used to make promotional films for the 'religion'.

"After [Tom split with Penelope Cruz], he started complaining to his best buddy David about his luck with girls. So Miscavige assigned a high-ranking official with the order: 'Find a wife for Tom Cruise.'

"The official put out a casting call to female actresses, including Scientologists, saying, 'There's an upcoming Tom Cruise movie you might get a part in. Come for an audition.' But in the end no movie was made. They had to be single, they had to be pretty and in their 20s.

"First they rounded up Scientologist actresses like Erica Christensen, Erica Howard and Sofia Milos. But they were all rejected."

"Then... they went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order. They came up with the same plan. Jennifer and Jessica didn't bite but Scarlett took the bait and came in for an audition. When she arrived at the audition address and found out it was the Scientology Center in Hollywood she freaked out and didn't do a tape...

"So they worked the audition tape on Katie, got her to L.A. and introduced her to Tom. The moment he meets her, he's enthralled with her and he told Miscavige later, 'I knew immediately she was the one.'"

So romance isn't dead after all!

But why bother with the whole 'audition' thing? You're possibly the most famous actor in the world and worth hundreds of million, I'm sure it can't be that hard to set up a date with a young actress.