MOSS DOES BETTER

You may have seen some details of Pete Doherty's latest whinings in the Daily Star, but his revelations about Kate Moss's judgement on music bears further scrutiny - as it seems that she has good taste in music and terrible taste in men.

Pete is mooching towards releasing a new album, of which four songs are apparently co-written by Miss Moss, yet she appears to share the same view of his tortured musical grumblings as 98 percent of the population. This is much to the annoyance of Pete, as it seems to be a recurring theme in his relationships.

"The two or three people who I've really loved, and who loved me, have never really appreciated my music," mumbled Pete, feeling unloved and unwashed, "It's really annoying. My songs just don't touch them."

Unfortunately, Pete's penis has touched them. I love strawberries and cream, but the thought of Pete's pitted gland gliding over the top of my bowl would put me off the dessert for life.

The question remains: if his music isn't the reason, what attracts women to this man?

It's either his collection of Jaguar cars from the 1980s or those hats, because as far as I can see, there's fuck all else he has to offer.