ABSOLUT TOSSER

Kanye West's tour is to be sponsored by Absolut vodka, which is quite apt as both are without any flavour and prolonged exposure to the pair will lead to fights and vomiting. Naturally, Kanye was his normal, down-to-earth self when talking about the endorsement, despite the fact that he has an ego large enough to float him around the world in 12 hours should it be filled with a mixture of hot air and helium.

So now the tour will go under the dignified name of 'The Glow In The Dark Tour Ignited By Absolut 100'. Very catchy. Obviously, Kanye isn't doing this so he can skim off every last single dollar possibly available into his grubby little hands. Oh no, it's for the sake of art you see, as Kanye explains,

"This is a brand that has worked with the pre-eminent artists of the 20th century - Tom Ford, Andy Warhol, Keith Haring, Helmut Newton. These are individuals who have inspired me in my work, and I feel honoured to be a part of this legacy."

Yes, Kanye. You truly will be remembered as an artist just like the people you've sound-checked, rather that a spoilt, shouty man with extremely dubious taste in sunglasses and necklaces. If there was an Emmy presented for 'Most Self-Obsessed Person' this fucker would walk it every year from now until doomsday.