ON THE UDDER HAND...

It seems that squawking mammary gland Jordan has had a change of heart in her attitude to Victoria Beckham, and it has nothing to do with the fact that the Spice Girls have reformed and Posh’s fame is greater than ever. Oh no. Jordan would never attempt to steal someone else's limelight, would she?

In the past, the bovine model has described the Spice Girl as "just a footballer's wife" and pot-kettled that the singer "craved attention".

But now, with a chat show to fill and even Bill Oddie being less than keen to appear on the tacky programme, Jordan's dignity has been allowed to slip even lower than normal.

"All that stuff I said was tongue in cheek. I've got nothing against the girl," said Katie to Hot TV magazine.

"I think she's got brilliant style. I just say things that people are thinking, that's all," she continued, once again making the regrettable error of opening her mouth and allowing words to come out.

"I'd love to have her on the show and I actually think we'd get on really well. I hope the Spice Girls do really well because I used to love their stuff." In other words, "I'm sorry, now please get me out of this hole by sprinkling my shoddy attempt at TV with some real 'A' list behaviour."

And when Posh tells her to fuck off, as she surely will, expect some frank admissions next week about Dane Bowers being a talented musician and how Dwight Yorke isn't really all that bad a chap...