PLASTIC BORRELL

As you may have read in the papers, Razorlight singer Johnny Borrell is to be immortalised in plastic, which may surprise some fans who saw him on the last tour and assumed that this process had already taken place some years before.

An American firm is to produce a range of Johnny Borrell dolls. Raspberry Starlight are convinced the models will be a huge seller, which means they are either deranged or some type of sophisticated money laundering scheme for the American mafia. They have described the unusual-featured musician as "Manhattan's favourite poster boy" which rather settles the debate. They are clearly deranged.

Sadly, the rest of the group don't get a similar accolade, not even the drummer who allegedly wrote their biggest hit. Never mind, mate, most people will use the doll after a visit to a local Haitian shaman with a handful of pins.

 

The doll is reportedly VERY lifelike. It's cold, has a moulded lump where the genitals should be and underage girls will play with it on a regular basis.