Travolta's Head In The Clouds Over Jett

A neighbour of John Travolta is attempting to bring the deluded Scientologist and his wife to court over child abuse claims. Rumours have circulated for years that the Travoltas' 14-year-old son Jett (see what plane-mad Travolta did there?) is autistic.

This may be the case, but unfortunately the ridiculous theologians of the Church of Scientology have an unusual approach to the idea of autism; they stick their fingers in their ears and shout repeatedly: "You don't exist."

This diagnosis is backed up by the fact that when Jett became upset at a cinema outing, Travolta's equally deluded wife, Kelly Preston, calmed his woes by grabbing a nanny, pointing at her son and demanding: "Take care of it!"

Autism is a complex series of learning disabilities that can be helped by on-going tutoring. The Travoltas say Jett suffers from 'Kawasaki Syndrome', which usually affects young Japanese children under the age of five. Just want you want, adherents of a faith made up by a power-mad sci-fi scribbler deciding to play God with their child's health.