PROFANE YET MUNDANE

Ooh, that John Lydon, he's a controversial one, isn't he? His career started with a swear word on TV and just as that career comes spluttering to an undignified end, he's still swearing, forgetting that the power of swearing is the shock factor, something that ran out for Mr Lydon some time in 1978.

Now the Sex Pistols, the Aqua of punk have re-formed to flog their cartoon brand of edginess - and naturally there's tension in the band, with bassist Glen Matlock asking his singer to tone down the language as Glen's son will be watching.

Wow! That's upset John, because cutting out the profanities would mean losing 75 percent of his hilarious 'impromptu' stage banter, and he might not get paid as much.

"I wrote in 'Bodies', ' Fuck this and fuck that / Fuck it all, and fuck the fucking brat', and I don't think there's a clearer song about the pain of abortion," said Lydon wisely, channelling the spirit of Ted Hughes.

"The juxtaposition of all those different psychic things in your head and all the confusion, the anger, the frustration, you have to capture in those words."

Utter fucking bollocks, John. What would be truly shocking would be if you could shut that quacking gob for ten minutes and give us all a break, you cunt.