CARCRASH VERSUS CARCASS

John Lydon has woken up, wiped the drool from his chin and bellowed his opinion on the first thing to cross his line of sleepy vision. This time, he's having a go at Sting and his
decision to re-form eighties musical trundlers The Police.

By any standards, this is a breathtaking display of a pot concentrating all its powers of concentration to describe the colour of a kettle.

Johnny is simply fuming that Sting has had the cheek to re-form his old band for a money-spinning tour, despite the fact that Johnny has also re-united the three chord cartoons called the Sex Pistols for a one-off gig at the Brixton Academy. After all, John wants to pay off his mortgage early before he has to turn to Ocean Finance for help. Now that's the true spirit of punk, right there!

"That's like soggy old dead carcasses," sneered Lydon to an increasingly bored Virgin Radio, "You know listening to 'Stink' try to squeak through 'Roxanne' one more time, that's not fun. It's like letting air out of a balloon." Like looking into a mirror and shivering, eh Johnny?

Sadly, it's more proof that old punks don't die, they merely turn into Bryan Ferry. Or his son.