MING DYNASTY

Joan Collins has nominated herself for the 'Most Bleeding Obvious Comment' of the year award with her observation that the tabloids have dumbed down. Certainly, they are a different beast from when Joan was a young starlet just starting out. Then the newspapers were full of witty epigrams by Alexander Pope, and Hogarth producing pen and ink drawings of the Duke of Wellington pissed and falling out of a taxi, showing his knackers.

Joan directed her displeasure towards BlackBooks Magazine, failing to realise that by starring in 'Dynasty' for so long she has done more than her fair share in dumbing down the collective consciousness of the world.

"Our civilization has become extremely dumbed down, with shorter attention spans. All they want are sound bites,” trumpeted the wise old actress in a sound bite.

Or at least I think she did. Wasn't really paying attention.

"The tabloid magazines are the same every week. 'People' has the same cover as 'InTouch' as 'OK!' as 'Us Weekly' as 'Star' magazine. They're exactly the same! It must be 100 to 120 people you read about all the time. They are appealing to a young audience, or a rather dumb audience."

Controversial words, Joan. Unfortunately not controversial enough to get you back into that elite 120 or so young, attractive people who the public actually have an interest in. Back to sleep, dear.