SMELLING OF POSERS

Details have at last been released of Jennifer Lopez's new reality show and it was worth the wait, because even in the planning stages it looks like utter television gold. It isn't your run of the mill 'follow celebrities around and film them looking idiotic, drunk and pregnant' like the Katona show. No, this is a whole new concept for reality shows – make it as dull as possible, take the money and run.

So the show will not feature Jennifer dragging her cadaver of a husband around Hollywood parties. It will not feature her newborn twins (who probably have their own 12-part mini-series being commissioned right about now). It won't even feature Jennifer's wrecked music and acting career.

Just her perfume. The planning, production and selling of her newest range of perfume. Get the Sky+ programmed NOW! Her manager explained (with not even a hint of shame).

"The recent show Jennifer Lopez plans to produce for TLC is not a reality show. It's a show that will track the creation, production and eventual launch of a new fragrance. Jennifer will appear in a creative, entrepreneurial capacity and will absolutely not feature her children and family life."

This is Jennifer's eighth range of perfume, so she must be kicking herself not to have pulled this trick off for the previous seven. Managing to get a TV channel to air what is basically a huge advert is devious enough. Finding a TV channel willing to actually pay for the privilege... well, that's a twisted type of genius.

Jennifer should just take it to the next level and produce her own range of paint. She can then daub it on a wall and start the camera rolling while it dries, waiting for the cheques to roll in.