I'LL BE SQUARE JAW YOU

Poor Jennifer Aniston still seems to be smarting over the break-up between her and Brad Pitt. He ran off with arguably the most beautiful woman in the world, so it shouldn't be such a blow to her ego (imagine if he'd shacked up in a caravan in North Wales with Kerry Katona), but she still feels the need to spend around £10,000 a month on beauty treatments.

She employs a personal chef (which is a bit of a waste of money as he is instructed to only prepare organic food, so none of those lovely turkey twizzlers for her), has private yoga lessons three times a week and spends a huge amount on anti-cellulite treatment.

An un-named source told the National Enquirer: "Jen is doing whatever it takes to hold back time - short of plastic surgery. Jen is insecure about her legs, so she goes for anti-cellulite spa sculpting treatments twice a month. They cost $1,000 a session, but Jen swears that the sculpting keeps her skin supple and smooth. She calls the treatments 'necessary tune-ups'."

All well and good, but she seems to be missing the real problem. Or to be specific, that face. Or to be even more specific, that jaw-line. She could save a hell of a lot of money by going to the chemist, buying $5 worth of cheap cosmetics and then throwing them away and putting the brown paper bag over her head.

Anything to disguise that chin that looks like one of the seven dwarves' shovels.